Hey sunshine.... You just turned twelve, officially a pre-teen, growing so fast. I am so proud of the young women you have become. I love your unique style and your independence. The fact that you already do not really care what other people think about you is amazing for someone so young. I am so proud of myself for instilling this quality in you. I feel like I have done my job raising you. ... Times are about to get tough with all the hormones raging through your body, just know that I completely understand. I know that this is going to sound weird but I always yelled and was really loud because I never ever wanted you to cower in the face of adversity. Never back down, always stand up for the people who are unable to do it themselves. The joy and reward you will get from this is unfathomable. You can do anything you put your mind too. I never want you to have to be stuck in a relationship that you can't get out of.
High school is going to suck ass. Don't get involved with anyone click, just bounce around to all of them. You will have one or two teachers that will impact your life greatly, keep in touch with them and I guarantee it will be worth it.
Buggie, you are a mini me ,it is going to be your job to hold this family together. Every family needs a matriarch and it is you. Keep your older brothers in line and watch over Jacob he is going to need you.
I want you to know that you were created out of love, the firework kind. Butterflies in your belly kind of love. I still have them for dad after all these years. I do not ever plan on leaving your dad but in case it happens I want you to know that.
The light shining from your inner self lights up a room every time you walk in. You have brought me nothing but joy and so many laughs. Everything that is good in dad and I has been passed down to you.
I have to admit I am a little scared because I do not want you to distance yourself from us now that you are entering your teenage years. It scares the fuck out of me. I am so sorry that I have been sick most of your whole life and I am sorry that I could not always bring you to the places that you needed to go. I think that me being sick has shown you how to be compassionate, caring and to always take care of people when they are at there worse. I can't wait to continue to watch you grow. I love you buggie!!!!! Love always Mom
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
Dear Dad,
Dear Dad,
Yesterday at 6:08 p.m. I sat with your father, my grandfather and held his hand while he passed on to another life. I am pretty honored to have been there with him and your sister , my aunt when passed on peacefully. After you left all kinds of thought went running through my head. It's been along time dad. Not really sure why we do not talk and why you do not know the strong daughter you have or the incredible grandchildren. I get it raising kids is so hard. Probably the hardest thing that any person will ever do. The greatest accomplishment in life. Things do not always go as planned , we make mistakes, we fuck up. That is why there is this thing called forgiveness and second chances. I do not and will never regret anything that has happened in my life. It has made me the women that I have become today and I am pretty fucking proud of her. You might want to know what makes up this women, how did she become the person she is? Well I had a great set of parents when I was younger. You guys were so not perfect but relationship and child manuals have yet to be made, so you struggle along. Dad, if nothing else, if you never read this I just want you to know that I remember everything you ever taught me. The love for nature, your passion for sports, hardworking ethic, never to give up just keep on trucking. I think of when you first taught me how to play baseball, I use to break dance in the outfield. I couldn't even hit the ball off the tee. I can still here you yelling at me to pay attention , hands on your knees. Did you know that if I had stayed in high school I would have had a full ride to college for softball. I pitched the fasted, threw the hardest and hit the longest. All because of you dad. I remember following you in the woods, like a little minion. Learning every tree, every leave, all the nuts. What to eat and what was poisonous . How to make a shelter out of nature and keep it rain tight. Teaching me how to track, stay down wind of your prey. Because of you teaching me how not to get lost in the woods , I have never been lost in life. I can always find my way back to the path. I know that things were tough when your daughters started growing up. I know that you secretly wished we were boys and I am sorry we are not. I can completely understand how and why my parents got divorced. Relationships are hard work, you need lots of communication. people need to be a united front when raising children. You learn from ones parents, they were your example. Your parents fucked up too. Each generation has to break the cycle ,take the good from their elders and add their own. My sisters and I were just kids, we looked to you for guidance and understanding. It was not our fault that mom and you did not make it. One makes their own decisions decides ones own fate. For along time I blamed myself for your problems and your faults. I had to justify why all of the sudden I was your little minion and then when things got tough you guys just gave up. I do not blame myself anymore for I was just a child. I forgave you both a long time ago. I gave up my anger and hatred. Do you know that it has been over 20 years since I have had my dad in my life. That is a long time but it is never too late. I wish I knew why you don't love me anymore , deep inside I am still your little girl. It was so hard to see you and not know what went wrong. Why you talk to my younger sisters but not me. I have no clue how to fix it. I have reached out several times and never had anything back. I can't reach out anymore, I am tired and have an illness that is just tearing me up inside. I have to focus my attention on my family because who knows how long I am destined for this earth. If nothing else Dad, if we never have a relationship again I want you to know how much I love you. I remember everything.
With all my love,
Daughter.
Yesterday at 6:08 p.m. I sat with your father, my grandfather and held his hand while he passed on to another life. I am pretty honored to have been there with him and your sister , my aunt when passed on peacefully. After you left all kinds of thought went running through my head. It's been along time dad. Not really sure why we do not talk and why you do not know the strong daughter you have or the incredible grandchildren. I get it raising kids is so hard. Probably the hardest thing that any person will ever do. The greatest accomplishment in life. Things do not always go as planned , we make mistakes, we fuck up. That is why there is this thing called forgiveness and second chances. I do not and will never regret anything that has happened in my life. It has made me the women that I have become today and I am pretty fucking proud of her. You might want to know what makes up this women, how did she become the person she is? Well I had a great set of parents when I was younger. You guys were so not perfect but relationship and child manuals have yet to be made, so you struggle along. Dad, if nothing else, if you never read this I just want you to know that I remember everything you ever taught me. The love for nature, your passion for sports, hardworking ethic, never to give up just keep on trucking. I think of when you first taught me how to play baseball, I use to break dance in the outfield. I couldn't even hit the ball off the tee. I can still here you yelling at me to pay attention , hands on your knees. Did you know that if I had stayed in high school I would have had a full ride to college for softball. I pitched the fasted, threw the hardest and hit the longest. All because of you dad. I remember following you in the woods, like a little minion. Learning every tree, every leave, all the nuts. What to eat and what was poisonous . How to make a shelter out of nature and keep it rain tight. Teaching me how to track, stay down wind of your prey. Because of you teaching me how not to get lost in the woods , I have never been lost in life. I can always find my way back to the path. I know that things were tough when your daughters started growing up. I know that you secretly wished we were boys and I am sorry we are not. I can completely understand how and why my parents got divorced. Relationships are hard work, you need lots of communication. people need to be a united front when raising children. You learn from ones parents, they were your example. Your parents fucked up too. Each generation has to break the cycle ,take the good from their elders and add their own. My sisters and I were just kids, we looked to you for guidance and understanding. It was not our fault that mom and you did not make it. One makes their own decisions decides ones own fate. For along time I blamed myself for your problems and your faults. I had to justify why all of the sudden I was your little minion and then when things got tough you guys just gave up. I do not blame myself anymore for I was just a child. I forgave you both a long time ago. I gave up my anger and hatred. Do you know that it has been over 20 years since I have had my dad in my life. That is a long time but it is never too late. I wish I knew why you don't love me anymore , deep inside I am still your little girl. It was so hard to see you and not know what went wrong. Why you talk to my younger sisters but not me. I have no clue how to fix it. I have reached out several times and never had anything back. I can't reach out anymore, I am tired and have an illness that is just tearing me up inside. I have to focus my attention on my family because who knows how long I am destined for this earth. If nothing else Dad, if we never have a relationship again I want you to know how much I love you. I remember everything.
With all my love,
Daughter.
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