Happy Birthday Jacob

Happy Birthday!  We could not get a hold of you on your birthday. I think it broke Lyll's heart. I know that if I tried harder I could have got in touch with you,m I was just miserable from my surgery but that is no excuse. I did not want to over step my bounds but when I have I ever let anyone ever stop me from doing anything.  I can not believe that you are fucking twenty years old, Holy shit I kept you alive all this time.. I am having a difficult time writing all this shit because of my spine. I think something is crunching me cuz I am having difficulties reading and writing.

How are you, we miss you so much. Your sister the most . it has really been  bothering her. I just want to know if you want me to be in your life I will fight a little harder than what i have been  I love you so much dolphin boy, Gonna save this is a finish later after dad leaves. Love you and so proud of you! 

Just stuff

Just found out on of my dear friends has breast cancer. I am so heart broken. I cried so hard.  We are going to have a titity party , it should be a blast.  Having this last neck surgery really scared me. Not sure why. My daughter wrote me a letter in her journal and it nearly broke my heart when i read it in the rehab.  I am going to write back to her today. I have an incredible husband who I do not even know what I would do without him. Man the shit we have been through together sometimes i have no clue how we made it this far.